Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
