Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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