so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
