how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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