I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sober January is a disaster.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
