just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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