College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
