i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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