theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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