I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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