careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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