it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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