she looked like the bat from fern gully.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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