I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
