We're like a lot better than the average bears
My cat gives me a boner
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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