I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
