i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize