I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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