i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
