When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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