eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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