I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
