sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
ttyl tear gas
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.