I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.