I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There r osticjed everywhere
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box