i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.