Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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(810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl

Replies (3) Good night (975) Bad night (1911)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move

(617): View more from Massachusetts

that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame

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(508): dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move (617): that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame http://tfl.nu/79g6

Replies (15) Good night (6632) Bad night (733)
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(512): View more from Texas

We need to rekindle our bromance

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(512): We need to rekindle our bromance http://tfl.nu/aprz

Replies (48) Good night (8617) Bad night (1355)
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(647): View more from Ontario

You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep

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(647): You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep http://tfl.nu/2p4s

Replies (17) Good night (5584) Bad night (960)
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(216): View more from Ohio

As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.

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(216): As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks. http://tfl.nu/d4mm

Replies (14) Good night (1138) Bad night (4296)
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(831): View more from California

im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public

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(831): im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public http://tfl.nu/cxwk

Replies (2) Good night (1229) Bad night (497)
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(44): View more from United Kingdom

You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.

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(44): You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday. http://tfl.nu/tfp1

Replies (3) Good night (1175) Bad night (483)
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(+61): View more from Australia

Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw

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(+61): Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw http://tfl.nu/i9kl

Replies (10) Good night (1385) Bad night (648)
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(916): View more from California

Yep. How's your hangover?

(1-916): View more from California

It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.

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(916): Yep. How's your hangover? (1-916): It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me. http://tfl.nu/bn8s

Replies (8) Good night (1574) Bad night (596)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.

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(208): Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now. http://tfl.nu/bdx8

Replies (7) Good night (1574) Bad night (711)
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(515): View more from Iowa

You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Any good?

(515): View more from Iowa

Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point

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(515): You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka. (1-515): Any good? (515): Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point http://tfl.nu/htpx

Replies (2) Good night (1083) Bad night (271)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him

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(402): I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him http://tfl.nu/5l9m

Replies (5) Good night (734) Bad night (190)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER

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(715): THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER http://tfl.nu/jvi1

Replies (1) Good night (574) Bad night (214)
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(330): View more from Ohio

ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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(330): ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/f5ew

Replies (2) Good night (616) Bad night (233)
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(207): View more from Maine

I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.

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(207): I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there. http://tfl.nu/iapv

Replies (5) Good night (1140) Bad night (223)

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