Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  I'd wear matching sweaters with you

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  (424): I'd wear matching sweaters with you http://tfl.nu/xbhf
  Replies (3) Good night (2090) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  New invention idea: vibrating tampons

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  (832): New invention idea: vibrating tampons http://tfl.nu/xv0s
  Replies (36) Good night (3478) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra

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  (717): im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra http://tfl.nu/5ubo
  Replies (25) Good night (929) Bad night (3713)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You know how us drunks love counting steps

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  (636): I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom (636): You know how us drunks love counting steps http://tfl.nu/2dlf
  Replies (17) Good night (2556) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

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  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6136) Bad night (7309)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot

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  (814): all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot http://tfl.nu/2zr0
  Replies (51) Good night (7635) Bad night (883)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds

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  (303): dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds http://tfl.nu/9fcs
  Replies (19) Good night (1511) Bad night (4464)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged

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  (603): So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged http://tfl.nu/t25x
  Replies (4) Good night (2803) Bad night (1334)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.

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  (614): I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person. http://tfl.nu/hjb8
  Replies (6) Good night (2541) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".

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  (703): You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick". http://tfl.nu/ootc
  Replies (6) Good night (2230) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success

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  (413): This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame (774): I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success http://tfl.nu/49mo
  Replies (6) Good night (1620) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  What drink are we having for lunch?

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  (785): What drink are we having for lunch? http://tfl.nu/pv1n
  Replies (5) Good night (1109) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler

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  (517): Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler http://tfl.nu/xejb
  Replies (4) Good night (990) Bad night (310)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.

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  (701): I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign. http://tfl.nu/tjoa
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"

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  (704): I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!" http://tfl.nu/68n8
  Replies (3) Good night (417) Bad night (549)

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