So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I think i got beer on your cat.
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