Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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