Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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