I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
