we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
