okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
