So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
