don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
