you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
