He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
