I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
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You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need a beard to bite.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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