TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
