oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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