Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
