i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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