So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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