The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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