Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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