Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
