when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
