I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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