the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
