we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
