I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
