You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
