I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
