Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
