If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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