do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
