Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
