he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
