i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
