So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
