I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
