Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
