Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
