i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
