And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
