it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize