i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
