the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
