I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You're like the curious george of whores
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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