she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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