Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
