stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
